I have a life time to read, but I’m still afraid that I will run out of time. What do I want to read? Every thing. It is the same with movies. I want to see everything. I have a small part of a Radiohead song in my head but I don’t know what he is singing or what song it is. Is it odd that I want to read every book and see every movie but I am extremely content with the short list of bands I listen to regularly? And then there are the TV series I have always wanted to watch. I want to marathon season after season. I will just work through them methodically. Calling it work makes it sound bad. It’s not work, or bad. It is an adventure. I also need to do more art. Not necessarily in preparation for Uni/TAFE. But for myself. Dedicate entire sketchbooks to one subject. They will be ‘studies’. Artistic studies. I’m feeling hyped for this.
I just had a thought. Lets say I have a time machine. Tea is too hot to drink right away, and I want to drink it as soon as I get the urge for a cup. So When I decide I want a cup of tea I travel back in time five minutes and make it five minutes earlier and give it to my future self. But its a classic time travel mistake. If I give myself a ready to drink cup of tea I never would have travelled back in time in order to give it to myself. Alternatively, lets say I travel back in time and make the cup of tea, and my past self is allowed to go through the process of wanting tea and then deciding to travel back to make it, I, the me who made the tea, would be left there in the present with the tea I made for my past self. Or consider Bill and Ted’s style time travel. Where I say I traveled back in time to make myself and cup of tea and the tea instantly appears in front of me. But that version is similar to the others except it doesn’t “show” the act of time traveling, just its effects.
I am so influenced by TV I want to get a Bachelor of Arts and study completely random subjects with no career in mind. I want to study media and TV and film again. I really enjoyed that. I also want to study language again. I basically feel like someone who wants to go back to school because they have made poor life choices which I feel I have like dropping out of Dip of Visual Arts and Quitting my retail job. But I’ll get there. In an episode of Community last night Shirley said that horoscopes are the Devil trying to trick us. It was funny. I really like the episode with the social experiment for a lot of reasons, one being Annie Edison (Alison Brie) put her hair in a ponytail and i don’t think there is anything more attractive that a girl with a ponytail. I love keyboard shortcuts. Once you get used to them they make like so much easier. Like switching documents in photoshop used to mean minimizing one and maximizing the other. Then I discovered that in the window menu was a numbered list of all open documents and you can simply click them to change. So now switching documents is a simple as: Alt - W - *number of wanted document*. Also using tools. Like single letter shortcuts to each tool. Like ‘L’ for the lasso tool. Then if I hold shit and hit L again it switch to the other lasso variants which are the polygon lasso tool and the magnetic lasso tool. Then there are other things like holding Alt while clicking and dragging the lasso with deselect and obviously Shift will let you select more. This is extremely great stuff. It’s not that I’m…I dunno. A reason why the internet is awesome is because you can look at things as long or as much as you like and nobody knows so nobody cares. I can’t do that in public. Everywhere there are people and the ones that catch my eye, for whatever reason I could probably stare at for hours but I don’t because people don’t like that. I know I wouldn’t. This hot chocolate is really good. Even though there is milk in it. And milk makes me feel queezy. That’s a funny word. I used it because I can’t spell naucious. Which makes me think of nautical and in turn think of the ocean and how much I want icy waves throwing my body to and fro. I’ll close this with a Community quote. Jeff Winger: You know what you guys sound like? Me last semester. [Points at Annie] Jeff Winger: Cynical… [Points at Shirley] Jeff Winger: … elitist… [Points at Abed] Jeff Winger: … rakishly good-looking. Abed: Thanks.
Preface: I always write my posts in note pad and then paste them into tumblr. Since it’s Friday, that dictated the post title. But I don’t know what’s worse, swearing or saying ‘Thank God’. It’s not exactly using His name in a bad way, but it’s not exactly sincere. Anyway…
I have been at my current job for 25 weeks. Twenty-five weeks, five days a week, eight hours a day. I found out YESTERDAY that we are allowed to dress down a bit on Fridays. I found out when they told the new girl. It’s Friday today, and I chose to dress how I do everyday. I would feel weird in a hoody at work. I had always suspected that they employed a sort of casual Friday, but having never been specifically told, I never asked. It’s not like anyone here wears suits. I think instead of casual Friday we should have overly formal Friday. Where everyone wore suits. That would be kinda of cool. But also wasted, because no one is seeing how cool they are. Sometimes I wonder if everyone thinks the same and only some people have the balls/lack of caring to admit their thoughts. I think it’s true. Like, I wonder if everyone is okay with silence like I feel I am. Sometimes the only reason I talk is to make others feel comfortable, because I assume the majority doesn’t like ‘awkward silences’. But using the word majority creates a very me versus them mentality. I am all for people doing their own thing but crying out how much of an individual you are is a fairly detestable trait. Back to everyone feeling the same, but hiding it. When I go to a ‘club’, I don’t really feel like I belong there. I feel like an impostor. A wolf in sheeps clothing if you will. Though I believe the analogy ‘sheep in wolf’s clothing’ is more appropriate. There are a lot of movies showing at the cinema right now that I want to see. I hope I am able too. Everynow and then my boss goes out to a cafe and offers everyone a hot drink. The first time he did it when I was here he said ‘Hot Chocolate Damon?’ and I said ‘Yes, please.’ (right now i’m really confused as to whether the full stop should be inside or outside the apostrophies, or these brackets for that matter, and now I’m questioning whether these are called brackets)(they are, I googled it) The point is despite the fact that I drink 3-4 strong black coffees a day I was offered a hot chocolate. Maybe he doesn’t know I drink coffee because I use to drink nothing but tea. Or maybe he assumes since all I drink is coffee that I’ll want something different. I watched a TV show once, United States of Tara. The show is okay, but one thing that one person said made me question everything. She said, when people feel nervous/awkward, they ask about numbers. The example in the show was a character was in an unfamiliar building so they asked how long something had been there, a sign I think. Think about small talk. How many pets do you have? How many siblings? Where do you work, how long have you done that for, how much does it pay? How many kids do you have, how old are they, what year are they in. Is it true? Or am I just noticing how many day to day questions invlove numbers. Is it all about awareness? I heard one of My Chemical Romance’s new songs on the radio last night. Well only the last 20 seconds. I literally screamed out loud. I am really excited to hear a new record by them. Sadly the drummer has left. Which I honestly don’t think is that big of a deal. He was already their second drummer. The Used are on their second, if not third drummer. What is it with drummers? I hope My Chem do a world tour to promote the new record. I would like to see them live again. I am also a bit disappointed I didn’t go ahead with seeing 30 Seconds To Mars. I like them. Though I don’t know if I like shows. Sometimes I question their necessity. What I don’t question is the necessity of the TV show ‘Community’. I am honestly in love. I connect so much more with fiction than reality it’s scary sometimes. Maybe it’s just the fact that it is on a screen. Maybe it’s the background music. Maybe the glass wall that seperates myself from the TV makes it easier to connect because they won’t snap at me or judge me. There are a lot of maybes in this world. I just accidentally opened up Internet Explorer. What is life?
So Mum and Dad have gone to Queensland and I have been left to feed the dogs this morning. Mum kept telling me how Bailey, who is pretty old, tends to not want to eat in the mornings. I was fretting over this, but it was fine. I just had to take the food out of the bowl one at a time and show it too him and he’d eat it off the floor. Then after about 5 pieces he started eating by himself from the bowl. I don’t think anyone else in the family would have the patience to do this. I’m glad I do. I almost feel that my patience is a blessing sometimes (even though I can also be very impatient). Then I thank…something. Thanking God seems odd to me because I’ve never really believed in God. But it gives a name and a personification and makes it easier to thank Him. Something I am grateful for. I don’t think I would have minded if I had to feed Bailey every single piece of food individually. And even if I did mind, I would tell myself that it’s not something to get angry about. That he is an old dog who needs the patience. So either way it’s fine. I like being calm and patient. Especially with people who are angry and/or frustrated. I feel good for doing it and I hope that it is setting an example for them. In an episode of Community, Abed and Troy are asked to take part in an experiment with a bunch of other people. While waiting for the experiment to start, we find out that the waiting IS the experiment. It is too see how long it takes those who are waiting to ‘snap’ and eave the room. Abed never snaps. He waits like 26 hours or something ridiculous. When Annie asks why he never left he says something like ‘You’re my friend and you asked me to help’. Everything Abed says is amazing. In a later episode they try to change his personality so hopefully a girl will like him, and he is okay with this because ‘When you truly know yourself, and what you like about yourself, it’s okay to change for the people you care about’. Note that both quotes were paraphrases. On a side note, I need to download some music, particualarly The 88, Compliments of Gus and Stellar Kart.
vegetarian/veganism the sea/ocean/beach japan seclusion tattoos art/design which i want to do which would give more freedom whether either is necessary what i want to do with my life how to live a meaningful life the definition of meaningful how to change the world how i almost definitely won’t how to be a good person how i am not a good person leaving people alone type type type them myself my cat cameras fighting peace coffee my teeth reading time death space caring/not caring how i never want a full time job even though i already have one my laziness, procrastination, apathy
the first sentence gives off the air of a rant, but it isn’t. the problem with ownership is credit creates pride. i don’t feel there is a problem with pride, as long as it does not become arrogance or superiority. but imagine no one getting credit for anything. some would feel there is no point to creating. to doing. imagine an Olympic race where each athletes identity, country of origin, even their face was concealed. would they still run? imagine if the each ran individually and no one timed them and no one was told who won. would anyone take part in such a thing? is there a point to racing if you cannot win? its the nature of competition to strive to win. what about writing, if a message is delivered does it matter who created it? would any quote lose its impact if it had been said by someone else? Aristotle said ‘the law is reason free from passion’ what if i had said it? what if, i don’t know, Hitler had said it? what if it was anonymous? would it matter? as long as the message is delivered, it shouldn’t. this brings up another series of thoughts regarding messages. how do we alert people without pushing them. can we persuade without force? maybe when someone’s views are changed they are already on the way to changing. or they have been opened to change. but when and where that catalyst for change occurs is probably unknown. i am not ‘religious’. i don’t have a faith. i don’t know what i believe in. so i think i would be willing to listen to anyone talk about anything. i’m not going to say ‘BAHAHA THERE IS NO GOD’. that’s rude. and pretty narrow minded. this has prompted another common series of thoughts. is there any absolutes? is it better to have rock solid, stick to your guns, preach with conviction opinions? or should we constantly question, revise, update what we think. our morals. the former promotes ideas of stability, tradition, head strongedness. while the latter seems more new age, accepting, open. can the two be combined? can we have an absolute ideal of being open and accepting and malleable? rigid in changing. yeah, i like that idea. a solid belief in open-mindedness
the most simple form is best. strip away the additions, extras, unnecessaries. like coffe. no milk, no foam, no sugar. boiling water and a quality bean. and a peaceful mind. smell it. coffee smells amazing. it tastes just as good. food as well. eat plain corn chips. they consist of three ingredients. corn, salt and vegetable gum. eat unroasted, unsalted nuts. fresh plain vegetables. raw red capsicum, fresh from the fridge. cold and crisp and one of my favourite flavours. i am craving it as i type. hot chips with no salt, no sauce. taste the potato.